“A carrot dangler is someone who promises something—to help you out, to give you something, to introduce you to someone, or whatever—and never comes through. When you try to collect on the promise, there is always some reason why they can’t give it to you right then, though they tell you they will do it another time. But when “another time” comes along, that isn’t a good time either, and so it goes, until you give up on that carrot, and then they start to dangle another carrot. The underlying dynamic is that they are generally getting something they want from you, and they are making the appearance of offering something in exchange, but they never actually give anything in return.” – by Marina Michaels, http://www.thelighthouseonline.com/articles/carrots.html
When I suspect someone relating with me is a CD, I do NOT let on that I suspect what s/he is up to.
Instead I go out of my way to act the fool so that s/he feels safe to act out his/her true intentions each time we have to interact.
But that’s as far as I go – acting the fool. Sometimes, getting it right may require that I let him/her have his/her way – but only once, or at the worst, twice. Just so I can be sure that what I suspect is really what it happening.
Once that happens, in future interactions, I make sure to NOT give him/her what I see s/he wants, except s/he delivers what s/he puts forwards first.
For instance, let’s say s/he says s/he wants to buy my Excel-VB Poultry Farm Manager for a farm business s/he claims s/he plans to start “soon”, BUT URGENTLY wants me to set up a branded Facebook business marketing page for his/her Agro consulting outfit next week.
Usually, alarm bells go off in my head when I get requests couched in offers like this. If I sense it’s driven by a “Carrot Dangling” motive, I simply ignore the other thing s/he asks for (the Facebook page) and focus on talking about the suspected carrot itself i.e. the Excel-VB Poultry Farm Manager.
But I do it with tact – so s/he does not have reason to feel offended.
To illustrate, I could say:
“You know, now that you mention it, I could give you that Excel-VB Poultry Farm Manager at 50% discount if you make a down payment of 5% of the discounted fee at the same time as that for THIS Facebook business marketing page you want done URGENTLY”
If s/he balks at THAT too-good-to-be-true counter offer, THAT would often be a sign that s/he most likely NEVER intended to make that other purchase. Otherwise, a 5% down payment on a 50% discounted fee is a NO BRAINER for anyone. Especially when both parties are already connected via prior transactions. You can vary this to suit your unique circumstances and needs.
When you put the suspected CD on the spot in the above described manner, and s/he does not respond appropriately, chances are often good s/he was only dangling THAT carrot to get you to do the other thing (which is really what s/he needs) in the hope that your desire to have the carrot will make you give that thing s/he needs!
Nothing spells disrespect and manipulation more than THAT!
As a rule, I tactfully avoid people who do this in my personal and work life. They are the kind who can drain you dry.
I’ve been told that some CDs may not know they are doing it.
BUT I do NOT buy that argument or excuse!
Any conscious and emotionally intelligent adult MUST be sensitive to treating others right. That’s why we have BRAINS and EMOTIONS. We can think and we can feel. Our minds are unapologetic in telling us when we do wrong and when we do right. We only decide whether or not to listen – which is why some people act good and others do bad…like those who operate as CPs!
As far as I’m concerned, using and manipulating others for selfish gain is never justifiable! Anyone you love or respect should never have it done to them by YOU.
Anyone who makes the mistake of doing it to me, in a manner that leads me to conclude s/he is a CP, will get the “treatment” described above. Period!
Related Article
“Lessons in Discernment: Carrot Danglers” by Marina Michaels
Source: ExcelVB
