I state truths that many will find uncomfortable in this piece. But they need to be said, because they are based on realities of life.

Bob Marley, the late Reggae music legend saw enough of it, to sing about it in his song “Who the cap fit”. So I know I’m in good company as I take the plunge to write this

Let me begin by stating a bias that I have developed based on personal observations and experiences over the past 14 years, as follows:

To get along – and remain on good terms – with most friends and relatives, I would suggest that you DO NOT BECOME AN ENTREPRENEUR.

Now, before I explain why I hold that opinion, I must ask you to note that owning a business enterprise will NOT necessarily make you an AUTHENTIC entrepreneur.

There are specific distinguishing attributes that set a real entrepreneur apart from the crowd of others that people may see in society.

Quite often an authentic entrepreneur would be one who makes a habit of straying from the established path or traditional ways of doing things.

S/he would be the one to fearlessly venture BEYOND the realms of the familiar to break new ground and test new ideas way outside what others consider sane or possible.

You know those kinds of people who try to do what no one has ever done before – and who refuse to let others, no matter how wise their counsel, tell them it’s IMPOSSIBLE.

Yes. Entrepreneurs are dreamers – and they are typically willing to go out on a limb, to put everything they own on the line, to pursue and achieve their dreams, even when NOT assured of success!

Since the larger majority of people in society tend not to be so willing to think and act as crazy as described above, most authentic entrepreneurs may tend to find themselves regarded as crazy or odd.

And so even though they would love to have people around most “normal” people would carefully avoid staying too long around them. As a result they would tend to be alone – at least until they achieve the inevitable breakthrough that makes them “famous” or successful. Then suddenly, in typical predictable human fashion, most people would suddenly want to be associated with them!

However, it’s the period before they arrive at “successville” that this article refers to, in discussing the kinds of people an entrepreneur needs to exercise caution in relating with

Failure to do so could cause him/her to get easily sabotage by people with ulterior motives – some of who could be close friends and relatives!

Yep. I say this without apology: Some so called friends/relatives can play roles that amount to sabotage in the life of an entrepreneur they claim to “love” or care for.

I once read an article by an entrepreneur who in describing his startup experiences stated that after trying without success to get him to change his mind and venture into some other area they considered to offer more realistic chances of success, some close relatives “folded their hands and watched, waiting for him to fail”.

In other words, rather than give him the help he needed, they chose to leave him hanging. And what did he want? It was that they purchase equity in his business, or loan him money. Luckily he found willing others, who were more or less total strangers but who saw the potential in his business idea.

This happens more than most people realize. Relatives can be the most critical and unforgiving of those an entrepreneur may have to deal with. Especially when you are yet to achieve a sustainable breakthrough.

Under certain circumstances, in certain cultures, one could actually be right to assume that some friends/relatives could pose a DANGER to an entrepreneur’s ability to succeed (or keep succeeding)…

Those who fall into this category have the tendency to believe that being close to you, makes them an authority on what you can or cannot do.

You see, our close friends/relatives will often be the ones who SEE us when we fall, fail, make mistakes, have setback etc.

Quite often some of them will be the ones who help us get back on our feet – or at the least they will be witnesses to the PROCESS we went through, to find our feet again.

Now, until we hit it big and achieve that crucial breakthrough into the big leagues, so long as we’re still not up there, people like that can develop what amounts to a SUPERIORITY complex of sorts.

Lacking the insights to understand that the failure we experience are TEACHING us how to succeed, many of them typically sit back in their armchairs passing comments and judgments about how they “warned” so and so, but s/he would not listen.

Then when you achieve some notable success, they conveniently pretend not to hear about it, and so do not pas THAT bit of news to the fan club they’ve been talking about you to.

Why? Because if they did, then it would look like they did not know what they were talking about earlier when they criticized you to them!

And that’s what makes these kinds of people potentially dangerous!

What I have learned from YEARS of personal experience as well as careful study and observation, is that even your so called close friend or relative can feel threatened by your success if, for instance, s/he believes it will make him/her lose face!

So, if/when s/he finds him/herself in a position to play a role that can determine if you achieve THAT major breakthrough, to success that you’ve announced you’re capable of (and which s/he has told everyone you’re not up to), s/he could choose to BLOCK it.

A relative you do not see eye to eye with during family gatherings, and who you make a point of calling out for bad behavi0ur, could insist to others that your disposition to him/her implies you would not be able to relate well with clients. And based on that justification would discourage them from buying into the business you wish to start – arguing that your customer relations would be lacking to keep clients.

That of course does NOT follow – but people like that who secretly have an axe to grind with you, would latch on to any opportunity to pass judgment on you in that manner.

Beware of The Ones Who Pretend to Believe!

I prefer people who let you know what they think, to those who hide their true feelings just to take advantage of you.

Most times you would never get to hear what they did. But every once in a while, you would meet get wind of what they said through an innocent third party, that was present, but who may  not even know you’re related to the person they heard it from – and that YOU were the subject of the discussion!

Some people are skilled in pretending to be on “your side” – so they can fool you into letting them come close and gain access to inside information about what you’re doing, and how you’re getting on.

Then they take that information obtained via privileged access to you, and go sharing it with others that you’re not as close to – using it to get bragging rights.

However, they never speak on your behalf – and actually share the negative views about you, or your chosen path, that are held by the others – only they do not say so to YOUR FACE!

If you have a friend or relative like that, you’ll have to work hard to unmask him/her!

Such people are called “Anchorless Social Chameleons” in the bestseller titled “Emotional Intelligence”.

There is a real danger that you may not discover you have an Anchorless Social Chameleon in your inner circle, until you’ve been dealt a painful “blow” of sorts by such two-faced or duplicitous individuals!

I recall the story told to me by the relative of a diplomat I once worked with. He explain that a cousin of his, who was a niece to the man, had gotten admission to study overseas in a US university.

They had run around to get the needed funds and when they needed a passport, had naturally reached out to this diplomat relative to help with THAT.

To their amazement, he not only failed to help process the application, but actually SAT on all the documents claiming he’d misplaced them, offering no alternative for them to pursue, UNTIL the time for submission elapsed.

The girl’s mother never forgave the man. It might interest you to know that this person had BOTH his own kids already schooling/working abroad – so it was not that it was a new experience for him. Like the young man who told me the story, that was the reason for the bad blood I’d asked him about that I noticed between the man and his less well-to-do sister (the girl’s mother).

Except you’re psychic, it’s impossible to know if a particular person(s) harbor(s) ill feelings towards you e.g. what they say when you’re not there i.e. behind your back.

It goes without saying though that NOT ALL friends/relatives will be like this.

Of course not!

The challenge will however be for you to LEARN how to identify those who can be TRUSTED and to what extent EACH can be trusted.

Life can be so complex and confusing sometimes. Why can’t things be so simpler? Why do human beings have to be some difficult to predict.

Well, I’ve asked myself those questions so many times over the years as I dealt with the backlash of gossip, innuendo, even vicious backstabbing from those I least expected it: close friends and relatives.

And I’ve come to the conclusion: You’d have to become GOD to fully answer those questions!

So I’ve learned instead to keep my own counsel, guarding myself and my vision as I pursue achievement of my valued life goals.

But whenever the opportunity presents itself, I do not hesitate to give direct feedback to any persons I find guilty of acting without integrity in relating with me – along the lines discussed in this article.

That is the best one can do – as life cannot be lived without these potentially negative experiences. Truth be told, they ultimately build us up, forcing us to grow and mature in ways we would otherwise probably NOT have done.

Here’s wishing you good luck as you continue in your pursuit of success, while learning to handle relatives who may play roles that test your limits and/or your patience!