[DVAM] Domestic Violence: A male reader’s experience [“I feel ashamed to tell anyone. I don’t think they will believe me and she will never admit to it”]

[I said in an earlier post on this page: Even the most docile being will react when pushed to the wall. Below is text I’ve typed out of the full letter sent in by a male reader (see large size photo) of Gloria Ogunbadejo’s “Mental Health Matters” column on page 54 of Sunday PUNCH April 30, 2017]


Dear Gloria.

Thank you for your very insightful column that comes out every Sunday in the PUNCH. I have been reading your column for quite some time and I have been very impressed with your views. I was intrigued with the topic of violence against women which you covered sometime in the past and I wondered if you were aware that there were men who also suffer domestic violence.

I am a married man and $y wife and I enjoy a normal married life. It is very difficult for me to express myself on this matter as I find it very shameful. I am well educated as you might be able to tell, and am gainfully employed. I say this not to suggest that it is the uneducated or poor that experience this type of abuse. I am just giving you an idea of my background.

My wife has a bad temper and has always been aggressive. Before we got married, there were times she would engage in physical combat when we had disagreements, but I just thought it was her way of expressing the extent of her love for me. After we got married, she seemed to settle down and was not as volatile whenever she was upset.

She had a very difficult time conceiving and I watched as her anger got worse again. I never used to hit her even when she slapped or hit me with all types of things. I could not take it anymore. Recently I beat her very badly. I think it was a build up of all the times I was on the receiving end. It was nothing compared to what I have suffered from her. However, her family acted as if the world had come to an end. Her brothers were threathening me and the family called a meeting to warn me.

I am very angry and frustrated because I have suffered a lot from her abuse but I feel ashamed to tell anyone. I don’t think they will believe me and she will never admit to it. I have decided that I will not let her get away with the physical abuse any longer even if it means the marriage will break.

This is not a subject that people take seriously in this country. It is only if a woman is experiencing abuse that anyone will listen. I know other men experience similar things but they either fight back or they keep quiet about it. I just wanted you to know that it is not only women who experience abuse.

Please Gloria, I require coinfidentiality to maintain my respect and dignity.

Name and address withheld



NB: This update was first published on my Facebook advocacy page earlier today at https://web.facebook.com/stopdvambytks/photos/a.1010876555679725.1073741828.1010096242424423/1044723925628321/?type=3

[IMPORTANT: This blog’s contents are being updated following the transfer to www.tayosolagbade.com from my former domain – Spontaneousdevelopment.com. As a result, some parts of it may not work properly for now. Quick Tip: If a link contains “spontaneousdevelopment.com”, simply change it to “tayosolagbade.com” – and it should work. This applies to article links as well as image links. Work continues to update the links(in over 500 articles). Tayo K. Solagbade.]

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