If you have (or plan to have) kids that go on to have empowering and fulfilling relationships in their personal and work lives, I recommend you STOP and read this article. It’s based on text transcript excerpts I prepared from a TV Talk show on Domestic Violence, featuring a Psychotherapist specializing in domestic abuse.
[A word of caution before you begin reading or acting on what you read or watch in the rest of this piece: This is another in my Best Practice Parenting series. The information offered is to guide your efforts in parenting your kids.
However, only an adult who is competent in handling him/herself in relationships, can be reasonably expected to be able to empower his/her kids to do the same.
So, if you struggle with the abuse issues raised here (be you the abuser, or the abused), I recommend you follow the tips offered by the expert (and others) to help yourself, so you can be better enabled to help your kids.
As the saying goes, “You cannot give what you don’t have!“]. Now read on….!
The real life male caller to this show was somebody’s son – and he apparently had been suffering in a marital relationship, because he did NOT know what to do.
I do NOT want my child to ever have to wait to call in on a TV show, to get help to get free from abuse of any kind. What if no such show even exists where s/he lives?
In my adult life, I have both witnessed and experienced abuse – including vicious verbal, emotional as well as physical kinds. So I KNOW how damaging it can be. What has saved me from being ruined by my exposure to those potentially traumatizing experiences has been the powerful physical and mental stamina I developed and nurtured all through my adult life.
It is what has always protected me, and kept me from ever going under, till I freed myself from the abuser.
That’s why as a parent, I am DETERMINED to coach my kids to develop their own mental toughness as well.
They will learn to do so, with regard to making the right choices of friends, and partners to relate with, and how to MANAGE those relationships to experience the healthiest physical, and emotional existence possible.
You owe yourself and your kids a similar obligation – and this TV show’s message provides a useful starting point.
Text transcript of excerpts from the show
Janelle So [Kababayan@la18.tv, 8/10/2010 4:46:07 PM]: All your questions about domestic violence being addressed today, on the show, with Dr. Jill Marie – a psychotherapist. She’s written a lot of books about domestic violence and we’ll talk a little bit about that also today.
But for now, let’s go to the phone lines, because the phone lines are burning. So many people want to call.
It’s okay if you want to call anonymously, we’ll still get your phone call.
Ehm. we have an anonymous call – a male caller. Hello and welcome to the show!
Anonymous male caller: Yes, hello, ehm…I would like to speak to a doctor(indistinct)
Janelle So: Yes, go ahead
Anonymous male caller: Okay, my name is Kotey, and I am in relationship, and er, my wife, sometime(s) she tell(s) me very mean thing(s), and sometime(s) she beat(s) me and she tell(s) me mean thing(s) like I have big nose and she make fun of my english. And she says if I report her to the authorities that she (will) take away my children. So I, I, I (don’t) know what to do.
Janelle So: Thank you
Dr. Jill Marie (Psychotherapist/Author): Well I’m really glad he called because we really shouldn’t think that this is all males abusing females. Females can be very abusive to men. They can be abusive physically and they can be abusive emotionally. And Janelle, these threats that this gentleman just talked about, that his wife is making, are emotional and verbal abuse.
…The title of my 3rd book is “But He Never Hit Me”, and I want people to understand that it is not “just” emotional abuse, or “just” verbal abuse. Those are crippling, crippling, abuses. A lot of times people ask me, what’s worse? Emotional Abuse or Physical Abuse? As if one is okay, which they are not. If I had to choose, I would say…
Watch the video below to for the full responses and advice given by the psychotherapist guest on the show.
Do this for YOUR own sake, and especially for YOUR kids, and other loved ones who may benefit from getting the powerful insights provided by this expert.
It is my considered opinion that ALL adults MUST make the effort to equip themselves, as well as male and female kids they have, with the know-how to DEAL effectively with, and protect themselves against ANY form of abuse by others, be they members of the same or opposite sex.
I’m working on a new service to be offered via TayoSolagbade.com in which I will offer a monthly updated compilation of informative, and educative resources on “Protecting Yourself from and Succeeding In Spite of Domestic Abuse” from various sources that I will diligently research.
Click here to contact me if you wish to be notified when this new service goes LIVE.